Why Did I Get Married?

Why did I get married?

Is a question I keep asking myself lately.

We share a deep mutual attraction,

But not a mutual understanding.

Could it be the age difference?

Something my sixth sense failed to illustrate.

 

Why did I get married?

To a man who has no positive outlook on life,

Nor the inspiration to invest in bigger things.

He chooses the path of contemporary slavery,

A life where whatever I do is never appreciated.

Could it be that I never saw this coming?

Something my sixth sense failed to illustrate.

 

Why did I get married?

To a man who once refused responsibly of his seed.

A man who called me a “bushwoman”,

Because I chose to let this seed grow in me.

That was lesson two, on this man’s mature immaturity.

Could it be that I wanted him so bad that?

Something my sixth sense failed to illustrate.

 

Why did I get married?

This I ask myself over and over again

Withering in the hands of a dysfunctional family,

Were my only refuge was in his arms.

Cheers to the man who turned my life upside down.

Could it be that we moved too fast?

Something my sixth sense failed to illustrate.

 

Why did I get married?

I float in my thoughts, the battle of regret.

To a man who has two sides.

One side that loves me unconditionally and I feel it really strongly

With the other side that shows his darkest side,

Of psychological abuse and conditional love,

A love that once seemed like a dream

Could it be that I ignored my own ignorance?

Something my sixth sense failed to illustrate.

 

Why did I get married?

To a man who tells me I am beautiful

The woman who was his best choice.

While he demonstrates dissatisfaction in my appearance.

Either I am fat! Or what I’m wearing is ugly!

Or when he instructs me to dress in attire that makes me uncomfortable.

Could it be that I am not attractive enough?

Something my sixth sense failed to illustrate

 

Why did I get married?

To a man who seems inconsiderate at times.

That when he misses my phone call it is all fine.

Yet when I get a missed call from him,

It feels like the world has stopped just for him alone.

I try to be sincere by not saying harsh words yet he doesn’t reciprocate.

One mistake to him is worth a 1000 punishments.

Could it be that I picked the wrong man to love?

Something my sixth sense failed to illustrate

 

Why did I get married?

Ever so young yet I hadn’t experienced the joys of life

As much as he did.

With the chains I’m in, the contract I signed is somewhat final.

How I would have loved to wine and dine

Dance all night long with a man making me feel whithered.

Could it be a mistake I made?

Something my sixth sense failed to illustrate

 

Why did I get married?

To a man who calls me princess yet doesn’t treat me like one.

Just because you’ve done so much for me,

Doesn’t mean that my standard of happiness should decline.

It is demeaning and that is why I choose to isolate myself,

Because I can’t look like a sad mopped up woman.

Could it be I’m not really your princess?

Something my sixth sense failed to illustrate

 

This is the question that will linger in my mind,

Whenever I have doubts and whenever you upset me.

It feels too late to regret.

But to move on and persevere until I can’t take it anymore.

 

Written: 10/02/11

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